Monthly Archives: August 2012

Friendly Contracts

A handful of years ago I was part of a group of ladies who referred to themselves as the G-Crew. There was no secret meaning to the name, in fact it wasn’t even that creative, it was simply because we spent all day chatting online through G Chat. We had group chats, one-on-one chats, we communicated through our statuses, oh and we occasionally saw each other in person. The five of us had fun outings, we went to the Getty, we checked out a new H&M in LA, and we watched a lot of Grey’s Anatomy.  G-Crew was freaking fun.

Annnnnnnnywaaaaaayssss, the five of us were occasionally joined by a sixth guest member. At one point she asked if she could join G-Crew and we presented her with a (tongue-in-cheek) contract. The contract basically requested two things: positivity and no flaking. You probably won’t be shocked to learn that the potential G-Crew member passed up the chance to join! She was a good sport about it, but she said the contract was too much pressure. Like most girl groups, eventually the G-Crew came to a pretty dramatic end. Yes, embarrassingly, part of its demise involved a boy.

Recently, I was hanging with two of the former G-Crew members and we were laughing at the ridiculousness of the contract. But, it got me thinking… is a contract between friends/romantic partners really that bad of an idea?

True or false: most friendships (and relationships in general) don’t work out because of a difference in expectations. I would say that this is true. Friendships end because one or more person feels let down or betrayed. People expect to be treated one way and if someone doesn’t live up to those expectations the relationship probably won’t work out.

But what if everyone went into relationships with their contracts? What if you could compare contracts to check compatibility. For me, there are a few things that I would not compromise, if someone saw these things and could not understand/abide by them, then why would we continue hanging out or dating? For example, I cannot stand cookie-cutter pet names. If you like calling people baby, honey, sweetie, etc., then you might not want to pursue a relationship with me. Likewise, if someone needs a partner who checks with their partner before I make plans with friends, I would probably choose to forgo that relationship because I see that as “checking in.”

To each his own, but I believe that contracts would save so much time on non-compatible non-negotiables. I am not talking about a nine-page contract that requires a lawyer to interpret, I am talking about a few hopes/requirements that you would like out of a long-term relationship. I say go forth with your contracts and find your life-long friends! Avoid the fate of the G-Crew!

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