Category Archives: Friendship

Friendly Contracts

A handful of years ago I was part of a group of ladies who referred to themselves as the G-Crew. There was no secret meaning to the name, in fact it wasn’t even that creative, it was simply because we spent all day chatting online through G Chat. We had group chats, one-on-one chats, we communicated through our statuses, oh and we occasionally saw each other in person. The five of us had fun outings, we went to the Getty, we checked out a new H&M in LA, and we watched a lot of Grey’s Anatomy.  G-Crew was freaking fun.

Annnnnnnnywaaaaaayssss, the five of us were occasionally joined by a sixth guest member. At one point she asked if she could join G-Crew and we presented her with a (tongue-in-cheek) contract. The contract basically requested two things: positivity and no flaking. You probably won’t be shocked to learn that the potential G-Crew member passed up the chance to join! She was a good sport about it, but she said the contract was too much pressure. Like most girl groups, eventually the G-Crew came to a pretty dramatic end. Yes, embarrassingly, part of its demise involved a boy.

Recently, I was hanging with two of the former G-Crew members and we were laughing at the ridiculousness of the contract. But, it got me thinking… is a contract between friends/romantic partners really that bad of an idea?

True or false: most friendships (and relationships in general) don’t work out because of a difference in expectations. I would say that this is true. Friendships end because one or more person feels let down or betrayed. People expect to be treated one way and if someone doesn’t live up to those expectations the relationship probably won’t work out.

But what if everyone went into relationships with their contracts? What if you could compare contracts to check compatibility. For me, there are a few things that I would not compromise, if someone saw these things and could not understand/abide by them, then why would we continue hanging out or dating? For example, I cannot stand cookie-cutter pet names. If you like calling people baby, honey, sweetie, etc., then you might not want to pursue a relationship with me. Likewise, if someone needs a partner who checks with their partner before I make plans with friends, I would probably choose to forgo that relationship because I see that as “checking in.”

To each his own, but I believe that contracts would save so much time on non-compatible non-negotiables. I am not talking about a nine-page contract that requires a lawyer to interpret, I am talking about a few hopes/requirements that you would like out of a long-term relationship. I say go forth with your contracts and find your life-long friends! Avoid the fate of the G-Crew!

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A Circle is Round and Has No End…

I don’t know how to make ’em. Not that I am in desperate need of more friends, but I wouldn’t know where to begin making a new one. I feel like I have been doomed from the start. My whole life I have had a built-in group of friends based on location and different activities. I blame my parents for encouraging me to do fun things, but I blame them for everything wrong with me and will continue to do so until I die.

When I was young, my best friends were my neighbors. We used to play street hockey until it was dinnertime. My bff Rae LePage(who is the one person I have not been able to stalk and reunite with via social networking) lived right around the corner and I would go over there and play Barbies for hours. It was an awesome time to grow up, I feel like I was the last generation that was able to safely play outside after dark.

Later, my friends were pretty much my teammates. I played AYSO, then basketball, field hockey, and even dabbled in shotput and discus throw. I could relate to the girls on my teams; we were too tomboyish to be part of the cool kids and too tough to give a shit. Through sports, I met a lot of the people that I am still fortunate enough to call my friends.

But now I feel like I’ve been hung out to dry. I have decided that friendships with coworkers are generally a bad idea, so that’s out. I tried the Meetup thing (freeeaaaakkkkkkkks). I played roller derby for a little over a year and met a few really rad people through that, but I realized that girls can be nasty and I could really do without drama.

I really love hanging out with the bf, but it would be nice to have a friend in my city who likes thrift store shopping and farmers markets. All of my friends live driving distance away and I really prefer to just set up shop in San Clemente during the weekends.

So, there’s this girl I have been working out with at BT Fitness who seems like a pretty cool chick. I don’t want to seem like I’m asking her out on a date so I just friend flirt with her while we’re working out. We laugh at each others’ jokes, bitch about how hard working out is, you know the usual. But now what? The other day she mentioned going to Golden Spoon and I went there after working out thinking we might “accidentally” bump into each other. She didn’t show and I ate my pain away with with yogurt covered in marshmallow cream. Sighhhhh.

Maybe I should slip a note in her sweater – “Will you be my friend? Mark yes or no.”

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The truth is I don’t really care if people like me. Well, that’s not entirely true. The truth is, I don’t really care much about people who DON’T like me. I have a solid group of friends and a wonderful family who like me 80% of the time and I am pretty pleased with that. As for the acquaintances, coworkers, random strangers, or those who feel like they’re so good that they can judge others, I really couldn’t care less about them. I know I can be a little rough sometimes, and a lot of people just don’t get the whole “mean but funny” lifestyle that I follow, and that’s okay. We’re not meant to be friends if you can’t take a joke. I’m okay if you don’t care for me, hate me, or think I am a pill. I’ll live.

Now, I kind of assumed that this is how most people think. I mean, who has time to worry about what others are thinking and saying about you? Apparently a lot of people. I am constantly hearing from people who are worried about what others are doing, or saying, or even thinking. Really? Why stress about it if you don’t know for sure? Try this on for thought: not everyone is out to get you. Not everything someone does is motivated by a secret hatred toward you. If someone does something that hurts your feelings, maybe they’re just assholes, or idiots, but either way there is nothing you can do about it!

Now, let’s say you do know for sure that this person doesn’t dig you, so what? Unless they were once a really dear friend, does it really affect your life? You don’t need to be friends with everyone in the world. Frankly, I am suspicious of people with TOO many friends, there just isn’t enough time in the day to be a good friend to too many people. So, consider it a blessing that someone doesn’t like you, it gets you off the hook for having to devote time to fostering another friendship!

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