Category Archives: Gross

Questionable Stains are My Limit

In my quest to completely take over the bf’s apartment, well I guess it’s OUR apartment now (and for the last 10 months), I am converting the guest room into a full fledged chick room. I am tired of men getting their man caves, I need my woman niche, or something that sounds less like I am talking about my vag.

ANYWAY, I have filled the room and closet with my clothes, added a sewing table and put up little wall stickers my sister gave me. My next step in ultimate domination is getting rid of the mattress! Now, don’t look at me like that. It’s not a nice mattress, it’s not even Shaggy’s mattress, it was his old roommate’s mattress that got left behind when he went on the run from the law or something (I’m pretty sure that’s not how it went down, but that’s what I choose to believe). The bed had these orangey sheets on, they were such an ugly color that one of Shaggy’s friends drunkenly devoured Gold Fish in bed, smeared his hands on the sheets, and you couldn’t even tell where the fish dust ended and the sheet began!

Long story short, the mattress had to go.

I fretted over how to dispose of this mattress for awhile. Should we go out in the dark cloak of night and throw it next to CVS’s dumpster? Strap it to my car and take it to the dump? Try to cram in in our trashcan (is a mattress recyclable?)? Well, it turns out the bf was right all along (yes, I can admit it) and our trash company would do a special pickup – for free! We took it to the curb last night around 9pm and that’s when I saw it – THE STAIN!

Now, this stain is questionable at best. I’m not sure if this mattress was the location of a murder, a period gone bad, or a spilled bowl of hamburger helper, but there was a rusty red stain right about where the shoulders would be. (And to think, I offered this mattress to my sister!). Well, I was mortified that I had myself slept on the mattress and was even more happy that it was getting out of my house and far away.

Now, I love me a deal and I buy things that a lot of people wouldn’t buy used, including shoes, but a bloody mattress might be my limit. Not so for everyone. The second we were done putting the box spring and the mattress on the curb, our across-the-street neighbors asked if they could have it. I strongly recommended that they NOT take it because of the aforementioned stain.Wouldn’t you know, that in the time it took me to go get Indy for a walk, they had the rape mattress halfway across the street. I won’t say what ethnicity they were, but let’s just say they probably covered the stain with their wolf blanket.

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