Category Archives: Wedding

Why Would You Want to Elope?!

No bridesmaids in ugly dresses, no expensive flowers, a handmade blue dress, and my husband!

I knew I didn’t want a wedding before I even met my fiance. After I got engaged, I still knew it. I love weddings, but thinking about having my own gives me a panic attack. The idea of eloping sounds more romantic than any ginormous wedding I have ever attended. Still, when I even mention the E word to some people, I often got this post’s title question, filled with disgust.

My response: Why wouldn’t I want to elope?!

The wedding is not the focus, the marriage is. This is my biggest reason for not wanting a wedding. People seem to get so wrapped up in all the minutia that goes into the party that they forget the most important thing – you are committing your life to someone. That’s huge. This isn’t about one fun day, it’s about starting your lives together. It’s not about signature drinks and playlists, it’s far more special than that.

Money – duh. This one is obvious. Even small weddings seem to cost a minimum of around $10,000 (at least in California) and that number makes me sick. There are so many things I could spend that money on –  a house, an awesome trip, my future child – that will last much longer than one night. One of my favorite wedding blogs (yes, I read quite a few of them, I love weddings!), The Broke Ass Bride, has a feature called “Can’t Afford It/Get Over It” where they give you “affordable” dresses, with a cap of $1,000! Listen, if $1,000 is affordable to you, more power to you, but spending the equivalent of two months of my half of the rent on a white dress that I will never wear again just doesn’t seem responsible. I’m not going into debt so other people can drink and hook up at my reception.

I hate attention. The thought of a bunch of people staring at me while I am experiencing the most intimate moment of my life gives me hives. I would throw up halfway down the aisle and start screaming to people, “Why are you staring at me, swan?!” It would just be a mess! I get nervous being a bridesmaid in weddings and no one even gives a crap about you when you’re the bridesmaid. I can’t imagine being the bride. And what if you trip. Or your back fat is showing. Or your nipples get cold. AHHH the horror. No thanks.

I love my FI more than anything in the world. I would prefer to not scream at him over stupid things like seating charts and centerpiece colors. I have never known a couple who is planning their wedding and not fighting. I don’t want to have angry sex on my wedding night.

The never-ending invite list. It’s easy to make a cutoff when no one knows about your plans. Once you get grandma involved, then it becomes imperative that her brother’s cousin’s hairdresser suddenly be invited to your wedding. Okay, that’s extreme, but I hate the idea of “well, you have to invite Tommy because you invited his sister Jamie.” What if I see Jamie every single day but Tommy lives across the country and I haven’t seen him in five years? My elopement, my guestlist!

This is just a partial list of my personal reasons, please feel free to add to it!


“I better be invited.”

Is there a phrase in the English language that is more rude?! It’s amazing how many times I’ve heard it in the six days I’ve been engaged. Here is a newsflash, if you have to ask you probably weren’t going to be invited and if you were going to be invited, you’re not after saying that! Asshole.

Being invited to anything, be it a party, wedding, or threesome is not a right, it is a privilege. There are a bazillion reasons why you might not be invited to an event, regardless of how close you are to the host. The host could gave a giant family, small budget, and/or social anxiety in big groups. Or, in my case all three!

Before you make such a douchebag statement, why don’t you think for a second about all the time, money, and organization that goes into planning even the smallest gathering. The guest list doesn’t necessarily indicate your place in the host’s heart, but making such a rude statement pretty much cements yourself into the “never invited anywhere” group.

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