“I better be invited.”

Is there a phrase in the English language that is more rude?! It’s amazing how many times I’ve heard it in the six days I’ve been engaged. Here is a newsflash, if you have to ask you probably weren’t going to be invited and if you were going to be invited, you’re not after saying that! Asshole.

Being invited to anything, be it a party, wedding, or threesome is not a right, it is a privilege. There are a bazillion reasons why you might not be invited to an event, regardless of how close you are to the host. The host could gave a giant family, small budget, and/or social anxiety in big groups. Or, in my case all three!

Before you make such a douchebag statement, why don’t you think for a second about all the time, money, and organization that goes into planning even the smallest gathering. The guest list doesn’t necessarily indicate your place in the host’s heart, but making such a rude statement pretty much cements yourself into the “never invited anywhere” group.

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Facebook: The Home of Half-Assed Caring

I have volunteered at the OC Humane Society, walking dogs and picking up countless bags off dog poop. I raised more than $2,000 and walked 60 miles in three days to benefit Susan G. Komen for the Cure. I organized an event that raised almost $800 in one night for LifeHouse of Orange County, a group that provides food to homeless people. I adopted an old, deaf dog from Seal Beach Animal Care Center instead of buying a fancy one at a pet store. I have helped build a house with Habitat for Humanity. I have donated clothes, food, and money to benefit causes I care about. I donate blood every couple months.

I’m not telling you this to brag or to make you feel guilty, because baby jeezus knows that I could be doing much more. I’m telling you this so you can see what I HAVEN’T done: I haven’t changed my Facebook status or picture to “benefit” a cause or raise awareness about anything. Even I am not that lazy.

Seriously people, all the cryptic messages about bras and purses and pregnancy are just ridiculous. PLEASE someone tell me how tricking people into thinking you’re pregnant is going to help cure breast cancer. Do you even think about the fact that many women are not able to have babies BECAUSE of cancer? Way to rub it in assholes.What is being cryptic actually doing for the cause? I bet you wear pink in October, too.

And, really, you post a status about all the abused animals in the world, but you trot your little designer dog around on its fancy leash? Do you honestly think there is one person on your Facebook friends list that doesn’t know that animals are abused, abandoned, and alone? Whose life are you changing by telling me to repost something that doesn’t even include a link to donate or volunteer?

I'm cute, but I don't save abused children!

The WORST was the whole “change your profile picture to a cartoon character to raise awareness about abused children.” You have got to be kidding me. If you want to put up a picture of Rainbow Brite, I say more power to you, she’s rad, but DON’T pretend that you’re doing it because you give two shits about a child. You’re doing it because you think it makes your profile look cute and you want to join in the fun with all your friends.

Here’s an idea, go spend your weekends in a soup kitchen, read to seniors whose families have dumped them in a home, sew blankets and donate them to a children’s hospital. Actually DO something that positively impacts the world and the things you claim to care about.

I wish I could spend every second of my day volunteering. I wish I had millions of dollars to cure diseases and save children. I don’t, but I do what I can. And, yes, I CAN change something on Facebook to make my friends think that I am this fantastic person with a big heart. I choose not to follow the herd and do these meaningless things. I choose to quietly volunteer and donate. I choose to take action about the causes I care about. Try volunteering and tell me that you get the same feeling from being in the trenches that you do by posting some stupid shit on Facebook.

An Open Letter to Lakers Fans

Let me start off by saying I am one of you. And not in the bandwagoner sense. I was born with the purple and gold running through my veins. When I played basketball, I always pretended I was a member of “Showtime.” The family dog was named Magic and it wasn’t because my dad liked pulling rabbits out of his hat. Yeah, I’m a lifer. That being said…

I hope the Lakers lose and I hope they lose hard. There. I said it.

I will tell you where to send your hate mail, but first hear me out.

I am tired of the good Lakers name being dragged through the mud. The last few years, the team has been pretty much phoning it in during the regular season. That’s NOT okay. Players should be busting their ass every single game, regardless of what month it is or who they’re playing. Not only are they letting you, the fans, down (especially the fans who pay outrageous ticket prices for nosebleed seats) but they’re letting down every kid who dreamt of hitting the winning shot wearing a purple and gold jersey. They’re letting down every Lakers alum.

As a recovering competitive athlete, I never wanted to lose, but if I did I wanted to lose with dignity. The way this Lakers team has been playing, their dignity is pretty much gone. I don’t know if the apathy is coming from the top or if it’s all within the team. But even Phil seems to have checked out. And the Black Mamba seems more garden snakey these days. I’m sure the team WANTS to win, but they’re acting like they’re owed another ring rather than working hard for it.

As a basketball fan, I would hate for them to win (or even go to the Finals) simply by resting on their laurels. It’s not fair to the teams who busted their asses for months and continue to do so. Maybe a loss in the first round will give the team the shock it needs. Maybe the owners will realize that we need to get some fresh blood in there. And maybe, just maybe, someone will start playing some mother fucking defense and start boxing the fuck out!